Instructor Wrap Up - Abigail Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Managing Stress

We begin our discussion of stress by identifying it as a contributor to conflict.  Stressed people may more easily fly off the handle and perhaps even turn violent.  We also identify four types of stress.  Eustress is a short-term stress that encourages us to take more seriously and expend more energy on important activities.  Hypostress, or underload, occurs when we're bored or unchallenged by our situations.  Because the eustress and hypostress are only temporary and do not lead to significant conflicts, we focused on hyperstress and distress, which offer greater challenges to the conflict manager.  Hyperstress occurs when too many tasks and responsibilities pile up on us and we are unable to adapt to the changes or cope with all that is happening at once.  One distinguishing feature of hyperstress is that the source is usually clearly identifiable and clears up quickly if we eliminate it.  Hyperstress makes it easy to experience an overblown conflict, which occurs when people greatly exaggerate a conflict, generally using a relatively unimportant issue as a focal point.  The conflict is overblown by one or more of the parties who invests far more emotion and energy than usual.  Some specific techniques for dealing with hyperstress are listed in the chapter.

Distress arises when we don't feel control over the situation and when the source of stress is unclear.  Distress is more encompassing than the other forms of stress.  It relates more to our world view, personality (Type A, too controlling, workaholic, etc...), and self-fulfilling prophecy (or expectations).  Because distress can make us appear difficult or cat in ways that appear unpleasant to others, it can contribute to conflict proneness.  

Conflict proneness due to distress occurs when people take themselves too seriously, don't enjoy what they are doing, or fail to see the humor in their everyday affairs.  Distress makes people unhappy and difficult to work or live with.

While some specific techniques are listed in the chapter for dealing with distress, a more encompassing way to manage distress is develop a playful spirit.  We suggest three ways to do that:  Make a distinction between work and play, striving for balance between them; turn work into play so that you enjoy what you do; and learn how to appreciate the bad with the good because some suffering makes us better appreciate good fortune when it occurs.

There is another more general way to deal with hyperstress and distress which is known as the ABC model.  The letter A stands for the activating event or stressor; B means our relevant beliefs or thoughts; and C refers to the consequences or effects and reaction to the stressor.  In addition to identifying stressors and relating them to consequences, the model also shows us the important role played by our thoughts and beliefs. 

We can avoid stress by minimizing the number of irrational thoughts we entertain.  We can monitor our emotional reactions to problematic situations and ask what feelings different events are arousing in us.  We can record our self-talk and make sure it is positive rather than negative.  When you write down what you are saying to yourself such as something like, "I am a failure because I received an F on this algebra test", it is easier to see that it is irrational.  By writing down your self-talk, you can also dispute your irrational beliefs by writing down rational statements instead.  If your negative self-talk includes a statement like, "I'll never understand this subject," you can dispute that by listing what you already do understand and listing places where you can seek help on this section.

If you are doing your best to alleviate hyperstress as it occurs, and to avoid distress when you can, you are much less likely to engage in destructive conflicts.  When we are stressed, it is more difficult to practice good communication skills.  Empathy is difficult during periods of hyperstress or distress.  It is hard to hear another person out and want to respond to them.  Keeping stress at an optimal low level is a way of ensuring competence in communication situations.   

At the end of this chapter, you should be able to:

1). Identify four types of stress.

2). Distinguish between hyperstress and distress.

3). Identify the sources of hyperstress in his/her lift.

4). List some of the likely sources of distress in people's lives.

5). Explain how hyperstress and distress affect one's communication behavior in a conflict situation. 

6). List three solutions for developing a more playful attitude.

7). List some specific techniques for dealing constructively with hyperstress and distress.

8). Explain the ABC model, differentiate between positive and negative beliefs, and apply the model to a conflict situation.

-Abigail, R.A., & Cahn, D.D., (2011)