Chapter 2
A Process View of Conflict
In this chapter, we describe the process of conflict and different ways conflict unfolds as people begin to experience issues with someone close to them. The key to effective conflict management is an understanding of both what gives rise to conflict (what we have termed the prelude to conflict and triggering event) and what occurs at the subsequent stages - the initiation phase, differentiation phase, and the resolution phase.
The prelude to conflict sets the stage by identifying the people, place, and time of the conflict. At the next stage, a triggering event functions as a stimulus, often leading to the initiation of conflict, followed by the initiation phase, which is the response to a triggering event. The subsequent differentiation phase is the ongoing interaction pattern in which most of the conflict communication occurs. Finally, in the resolution phase conflict participants come to a mutually satisfactory agreement or outcome.
Often people will get caught up in destructive cycles that do not allow their conflict to progress to some satisfactory outcome. The conflict avoidance cycle and the chilling effect are characteristic of a relationship between people whose first impulse is to avoid the initiating conflict or to quickly withdraw when conflict arise. They serve as examples of how unsuccessful conflicts become mired down in one of the first four stages, namely at stage two. In this case, the conflict has a prelude stage (e.g., one more more of the participants has a past history of poorly managing conflicts), followed by a stage two triggering event (e.g., one partner forgets an important date), but instead of progressing to stage three initiation, the offended individual does not initiate the conflict because she or he prefers not to engage in conflict. The chilling effect occurs in situations where one fears the outcome.
The competitive conflict escalation has a prelude stage (e.g., one or more of the participants has a past history of poorly managed conflicts) followed by stage two triggering event (e.g., one partner forgets an important date) and moves through stage three initiation, but gets locked into stage four differentiation, instead of progressing to the final stage resolution.
The violence cycle has a prelude and a trigger, but from the moment of initiation the conflict is enacted with verbal aggression that escalates into conflict. In this case, the cycle gets locked into stage three, without ever really exploring differences or coming to some sort of resolution.
The way we view our relationship with the other person, our past successes and failures in enacting conflict with the other, how we identify an issue, how we assign blame, and how we voice our complaint all affect our pattern of interaction in conflict situations. Potentially productive conflict behavior exists somewhere in the maze of options. In each stage of productive conflict we can choose to spin off into the avoidance, chilling effect, and competitive cycles. As with the destructive cycles, productive conflict behavior stems from attitudes and beliefs about conflict.
When we see conflict as a normal part of relationships and when we listen to others and assert ourselves, we are less likely to become mired down in a destructive conflict cycle. We have devised the following six confrontation steps to effectively manage interpersonal conflict.
1). Preparation: Identify your problem/needs/issues.
2). Tell the person "We need to talk".
3). Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about your problem.
4). Consider your partner's point of view: Listen, empathize, and respond with understanding.
5). Resolve the problem: Make a mutually satisfying agreement.
6). Follow up on the solution: Set a time for reevaluation.
We would like to say that confrontation always produces mutually satisfying results, but this is not true. Although confrontation works more often then not and sometimes with surprising results, there are times when the other person is uncooperative, the issue is too complex, and we don't have enough time or energy to do it right. As teachers, we authors encounter many pessimistic students who are reluctant to try the six steps; however many report excellent results and a change of hear after applying them while confronting someone about a significant issue.
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