This chapter identifies the choices we can make in conflict situations. Just as there are many different types of conflicts and kinds of conflict issues, so there are different ways that we can respond to conflicts. Many people don't realize that they have options and can freely choose among them, with differing results.
A person may choose to respond to a conflict non-assertively by avoiding the conflict altogether or by accommodating the other person's goals. When the conflict is not important to us. avoiding and accommodating can be appropriate responses. However, when we take this other-centered orientation, we run the risk of ignoring important issues until they grow so large that it is difficult to address them effectively.
On the other hand, a person may take a self-centered orientation and respond to the conflict behavior of another competitively by responding with overt aggression is seldom warranted except in situations of self-defense. Passive-aggressive behavior is warranted when there is implied danger in confronting the other, but it is not a good response over the long term.
Sometimes we choose a relationship-centered orientation and split the difference and compromise with the other person. In important conflicts, though, our best option is to choose collaboration by assertively speaking up for our interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or basic communication rights of others.
Effective communicators are frequently assertive, sometimes non assertive, and rarely aggressive. How does one determine when to choose one option over another? Three factors everyone should consider when choosing among the four conflict communication options are the occasion/time/location, the other person, and one's own needs. The communication considerations described in this chapter can help us decide when it is appropriate to use one type of conflict communication behavior or another.
Our first response in a conflict situation is not necessarily the best one. We need to slow down, thing about the situation, and then respond to the other, using skills discussed in this chapter. The only way to develop conflict skills is to use them in conflict situations.
-Abigail, R.A., & Cahn, D.D., (2011)
Hi Professor,
ReplyDeleteI agree with this post. My close friend and I are unspoken due to unresolved situations. However, we try to keep the dilemma out of our high-school friends and colleagues. We grew up in high-school and continued our education at SJSU. After a few GE courses together, we built a good friendship through college. Now, we have grown and have our differences. We agreed to leave each others lives and keep the relationship-centered. We meet at the middle during events, or parties. No drama, just staying out of each other's lives.